winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Prelude to The List. I would like to apologize to all the members of Diaryland as I believe that it was my fault that the system went down, yesterday and today. For whatever reason, I entertained the idea of putting "The List" up early this year and was going to begin it at precisely the moment that the system failed. It is my belief- without hint of exxageration or paranoia- that the server anticipated my posting "The List" and, simply, fell under the pressure. You see, I also had planned to increase the list from 300 to 500 items, this year. For that I am sorry. I would like to promise that I will still post that many items but it will depend on the strength of the server whether I do so or not. There were several reason's why I wanted to make this list early, beginning with the fact that I've just been in the mood to write it and ending with the fact that I am not sure how this April is going to go. It's already the hardest month of the year for me (though less so in the last few years) but now it's also the anniversary of losing Nana and I've already begun to feel that. I never know what kind of mood that will put me in and, as I said before, I've been in the mood to write it so what better time than now? -I mean, unless you'd just rather I wait until April. Because I can do that if you want. I'm not sure if you even want to read the list, this year. In fact, for all I know you could be thinking to yourself (or saying out loud- I mean, because I couldn't really hear you, could I?) that you are getting tired of reading the list. You read it every year and it's just the same old, boring stuff. But the truth is, I write it for me. I've been writing this list for years before I ever posted to an online journal and I'll (hopefully) write it until my ability to write fails me. It's what's left of my therapy. Charles would tell you that if I were less analytical and just had more initiative that I'd probably follow my heart and just do what makes me happy and that I would, then, need to spend a lot less time coming to the same conclusions and not doing anything about them- or maybe I would say that but am so used to Charles being right that I just assume that that's what he'd say. Still, every year, I expect that the conclusions are going to be different and, besides, I like writing the list. So there! And, again, as I write this every year, I also write this explanation to those who are new to this journal. Every year, as I have done since I took my little trip down insanity lane, one of the pieces of therapy that I took with me was this list. The list is akin to free writing, where you write down as many facts about yourself as you can (I always opt for 300 as I start struggling with items around the 200 mark.) I planned to increase it this year since (1) it's been easier to think of 300 items here recently, (2) it's been an interesting, event-filled year which affords more to write about and (3) I wanted to really challenge myself, this year. Many of the items may or may not have appeared on the list in years past but the goal is to free write until the really hard items come out. And it never fails, every year, there are plenty of new things on to keep it interesting. Likewise, I invite you to write your own lists and share them with me. If you would like, I can post them in full or in part on the site or just as an extra page. Again, we'll need to keep that hush-hush as I'm sure that if news got out that it would cause Diaryland to crumble completely and, believe me, NONE of us want that to happen. If you aren't inclinde to write and (possibly) share your lists then feel free to comment to any and all of the items on mine. After all, that's what that whole comments button's for, right? So, has this been enough babbling about the list, already? should I just shut up and start it? Okay. Okay. Fine. I will. ...Now. (Oh yeah, it begins on the next page. So you might want to scroll down and hit the next button to get there.) 11:35 p.m. - March 19, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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