winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Theories about Valentines Day while fighting to stay awake. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and...hey, wait a minute. Why are violets blue? Shouldn't violets be violet? Who came up with this garbage? Wow. Another V-Day almost over. Men around the country can cease holding their collective breaths, wondering if the flowers were enough or if they should have bought the diamonds, painted "Love Slave" on their bodies and fed their lovers gourmet food while washing their backs with the hundred-dollar-soap they bought from Bath and Body Works. All, just to prove how much he loves her. After all, isn't his love equally proportionate to the amount of money he's willing to spend to shut her up? Ouuuuhhh. Ahhhhhh, ohhhh. How very sweet and romantic, I know. But it's a crock. Swear to god it is. You see, I know the truth. Valentines Day was invented by a cavewoman name Maggie. That's right. A cave woman. See, Maggie was the first of her kind to use a particular inflection in her voice. She had moved past the simplistic grunts and moans the clans were accustomed to using and began making a new sound- one the cave men had never heard before. It was higher pitched and whiny. The nagging sound was so painful to the cavemen's ears that they ran around their dwellings in search of something that would shut her up. Finally, Maggie's partner found a shiny piece of rock that captivated her and kept her quiet and the males were, once again, at peace. ...Which lasted all of six minutes and thirty-nine seconds- at which point the other cave women wanted a shiny rock for themselves. When they were unable to take the shiny piece of rock away from nagging Maggie, as evolution goes, they were forced to learn to emmulate the sounds she made, thus forcing their cave partners to run in search of whatever would make their noises stop. Of course, as has always been the case, some of the cavemen were slower and less industrious and were unable to find the coveted shiny rocks so, instead, they brought back whatever they could find: bright flowers, food, cave art- you know, whatever. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn't. But a cycle was created. The females would nag and the males would look for the simplest way to make it go away. After the males returned with their bribes, the females would parade about and taunt each other with their treasures. It was in this manner that a female heirarchy was established. She who's objects were coveted the most was held in highest standing. But, after a while the males found the incessant behavior too aggrivating- and, if nothing else, just down right exhausting- and they threatened to leave the clan. And, knowing that it wasn't very likely that we would run around and find ways to appease each other, (and that it was a good ten generations before we learned we could have sex with each other) we began negotiations. We agreed that if we could still get the males to run around and acquire things for us, females, atleast once a year, we would agree to nag and moan more subtly until that given date and we would call it even. Still, wouldn't it be nice if the holiday were really about a man who believed in love so much that he was willing to die for it rather than our need to have it justified, monitarily? And, now, just to prove that we can't ever be pleased, I'm going to admit that I got a shiny rock for V-Day (all without the need for nagging) and, still, I'd much rather just be loved. 7:54 p.m. - February 14, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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