winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- List 2004 Part II Okay, here's round two. Where did we leave off? 105, was it? Okay 106 it is. 106. I wear my grandmother's watch even though I can't get it to keep the right time. 107. I gave up on wearing watches years ago when I couldn't get them to keep time because of elevated levels of heat in my arms. 108. My Nana never stopped trying to find ways for me to wear a watch. 109. Because of that, I own two rings with watches on them and one watch necklace. 110. More than one lover has complained about "cuddling" with me at night because lying next to me feels like lying next to a furnace. 111. Shannon's the only person who ever let me lie next to him all night long. 112. I prefer curling up into a man's back, with my arm around their waist, rather than to spoon into their chest. 113. With that in mind, I love spooning at night. 114. The best gift anyone ever gave me was a hand held can opener. 115. I sleep with the TV on when I'm alone. 116. Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott is still the most influential book I've ever read. 117. I read it once a year since I was eleven until two years ago. 118. My unhappiness has added many unwanted pounds. 119. I've been disappointed with my reflection in the mirror for the first time this year. 120. I've never considered myself particularly attractive but even when I was heavy, before, I was happy with my body. 121. I'm going on a cruise at the end of this month and I'm not looking forward to it. In fact, when I think about it, the prominant feeling is one of hope that it would just be over soon. I hate that. 122. I have been told by three people, in the last three weeks, that I don't confide in them like I used to. Which is interesting because they are the three people with whom I feel that I confide in most. 123. When watching TV, I have a tendency towards sports channels and the home and garden network. 124. The same part of me that really liked being a wife will never let me risk having to go through another divorce. 125. I prefer orange juice to apple juice. 126. I prefer apples to oranges. 127. Strawberries are, above all else, my favorite fruit. 128. There is a part of me that wishes I liked having pets. 129. I admire Andrew's ability to stay married for his children. 130. I have an equally hard time understanding how he can do it. 131. I'm not one of those people who say, "Yeah, I like a fast paced job because it makes the day go by faster." I don't want my days to go by fast. They go by fast enough already. It feels like wishing my life away. 132. I don't hate my job as much as people would like me to. 133. I know that I don't get paid what I'm worth. 134. I'm not exactly sure what I am getting in lieu of the low pay other than job satisfaction. 135. I have been in two dominant/submissive relationships. My family knew about both of them. 136. The extent to which I miss my foster parents haunts me. 137. I still miss California. 138. People don't understand my draw to the ocean. 139. I eat out way too much. 140. I prefer to cook in but my friends usually want to eat out and so I usually just go along. 141. I miss cooking NICE dinners. 142. I re-read some of my journals the other night and they made me unbearably sad. 143. I love the cartoon Pinky and the Brain- which never comes on anymore. 144. The Color Purple makes me cry every time I see it. 145. I love camping. 146. Men infuriate me most of the time. 147. I'd focus on dating women if they didn't frustrate me even more. 148. I can't sleep without being covered up. 149. I'd rather sleep with a stranger in the bed than to sleep in the bed alone. 150. I'm not good at hiding my annoyance. 151. I prefer Texas Hold'Em to Stud Poker games. 152. I prefer anything to High-low games. 153. I have closed my eyes before and imagined that I was with someone else while having sex, before. 154. I have faked it. 155. I like doing silly things. 156. I haven't done anything silly in a while. 157. I miss that. 158. I am not where I want to be. 159. I'm good at being responsible for other people and not so much for myself. 160. This is the hardest list I can remember having to write. 161. I like watching scary movies but I hide my head during the scary parts. 162. I DON'T want to be buried when I die. 163. When I die I want all the parts that can be salvaged given away and then have the rest of me cremated. I would even consider having it donated to science. 164. In my will, my sisters are responsible for making sure that I show up to my funeral late. 165. I had to admit to someone that I wasn't a dependable person. 166. I don't think that they realized how hard that was for me to say. 167. There are people all around me tellimg me what I need to do to be happy. 168. My family wants me to reconcile with Raymond. 169. It's reinforced by the fact that that was my Nana's last wish for me. 170. Raymond and I are finally being civilized with each other but every time I do anything that threatens him he starts a fight. 171. I have a tendency to hang my feet off the side of the bed in the middle of the night and tap it against the side when I can't sleep. 172. I hate folding laundry. 173. I used to be good at keeping my house clean but it's, most of the time, in a state of disarray. 174. I love bottled water. 175. Shannon bought me licorice yesterday for no reason at all. 176. I like baths so hot that they are almost too hot to get into. 177. I love dancing. 178. I used to have enough energy to dance all night long. 179. I'm not sure I could now. 180. Last weekend I danced to Journey's "Open Arms" with Donnie Ryan, my very best friend from High School and my Senior Prom date. We danced and twirled around the floor like teenagers and, as we were walking away, he reminded me that it was the last song we danced to at the prom. 181. Also out with us was his younger sister who, when I last saw her she (and her twin sister) were nine. Is it wrong to be attracted to my lifelong best friend's little sister? 182. I miss my children. They are with Raymond this week. 183. I love peanut butter and plum jelly sandwiches. 184. Christian doesn't think that I read his journal but I do. 185. I told him that I stopped reading his journal when we broke up, but I lied. I read every one of his entries. 186. I don't know how to respond to it. 187. This seems like a passive aggressive way to tell him when it's not intended to. 188. Admitting it doesn't make the responses easier. 189. I own 31 board games. 190. I have 19 decks of cards. 191. I'm hesitant to talk about my office frustrations in my journal. 192. I have a lot of frustrations that involve being in my office. 193. I don't think that I have ever been better at my job than I am now. 194. I have high expectations for my children. 195. I am afraid of the effects that Raymond is having on Jordan. I don't think that he pushes her academically. 196. There's a slight possibility that I push Justin too much academically, but I don't think so. 197. I am thinking about taking a carpentry class with my friend, Mike. 198. I love power tools. 199. I love building things. 200. I have heckled a public proposal before. Okay, that's it for today. Look for the third and final installment tomorrow. 9:36 p.m. - July 07, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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