winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Momma needs a new attitude! (Shaking the dice.) Come on, momma needs a new attitude!Happy Monday, everyone. How was your weekend? Mine was eventful enough, I guess. First and foremost, my brother-in-law, Richie, is home from the hospital and is doing better. His right kidney is still on the verge of failing, completely, and the left is still so overcome with calcium deposits that it�s going to require surgery to remove it all. Sadly, due to the terminal nature of this disease, he�s not a candidate for a transplant so we all agree that risking the loss of both kidneys, right now, is far too great a risk, so the doctors have given him some medicine that they hope will break up the blockage a little. On the other hand, he�s in great spirits and looks far better than anyone in his condition should so there�s that- I guess. Let�s see, what else? Oh yeah, I went on a road trip, this weekend. Some friends of mine invited me to go with them to Tunica, Mississippi where we went on a tour of the casinos, cleverly hidden in their vast cotton fields. I lost more than I care to admit in a game of Hold�em- though it wasn�t from playing poorly. I mean, when you have trip queens you�ve got to bet them, right? I mean, come on, there are only a few hands (short of a full house) that will take a hand like that down and this guy just happen to find one on fifth street. What�s a girl like that to do? I took it pretty hard but found that my mood brightened after building a two hundred dollar (plus) pot at video poker after investing one, single quarter. I then went on to win just under a hundred at the �Let it Ride� table and then another $120 back at the video poker machines. I did lose (or let Shannon lose) $20 of that on a game of craps he was supposed to be teaching me to play. While rolling the dice (and subsequently not winning anything for myself) the caller tried to ease my spirits by telling me that everyone else was making a killing off of me. �Great,� I tell him. �This is just like being married, again.� After all was said and done and after I helped pay off some of Shannon�s debt, I came out just a little bit above what I left with. Again, I don�t know what I�m thinking, helping others more than myself, but here I am doing it- again. And here�s the thing, I can really see nothing good coming of this. I mean, the last thing I need is one more person demanding that I make their life easier while I work my fingers to the bone and get nowhere doing it. Because, let�s be honest here, I will never be able to buy anyone�s happiness. I could bring in millions of dollars and buy people all the happiness that they think they want but there will always be a reason why I am less than their ideal. Hell, even Christian, who I can say probably loved the real me more than anyone I�ve ever known, found me wanting. What can you really expect after that? Why is it so damn hard to find people you can get close to and who want to get close to you? Ah, well. Tunica was fun, nonetheless. �Life is either an adventure or nothing.��Helen Keller 10:50 a.m. - 2003-10-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||