winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You only live once "You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough."--Joe Lewis You know what? That's one of the better quotes that I've heard in a long time. Then again, maybe it's not. Maybe it just hit me the right way. Either way, it got me thinking about some things. Raise your hand if you think my journal has been mopey and pathetic, lately. It's okay. I've read it. I know it has. Here's the thing: I've been in this holding pattern. I've spent the last ten years or so waiting for my life to happen. I've been waiting on people to decide if they want to be with me and then trying to find a way for me to fit into their lives. And, yes, failing. Miserably. Was it all my fault? No, of course not. Do I take responsibility for my part? Certainly. But, be that as it may, I'm still here. Hoping. Waiting, kind of, to see how things pan out. Sure, I'm trying to improve my life and to improve those aspects of it that make it difficult to fit other people in but I'm tired. I'm just so tired of not having fun. I'm wasting my life not living it. God, how pathetic is that? You know, for a while, I was having a blast with my friend, Shannon. Honestly, it's the most fun I've had on a consistant basis in a really long time. And it was simple fun. Simple. Stupid. Fun. I miss that. But, due to some changes in both of our lives, niether of us are having as much fun as we used to, and certainly not with each other. But I can't change that. I can't bring him out of his depression and I can't bear to wallow in mine any longer. I've not given up on him, by any means, but what can I do? Life is too short. There is so much out there to enjoy and I'm not enjoying any of it. I'm sitting at home, hoping for things I can't get near. And, frankly, I'm tired of that. It's breaking my heart a little more everyday. I'm not looking for someone who's going to change my life, I'm just looking for a friend. A playmate. Someone who might just want to go out to a movie with me. Someone who might want to stay in and watch football with me. Someone who might just want to have fun. As pathetic as this might sound, it couldn't be half as bad as listening to me mope and "oh, woe is me" any more. Raise your hand if any of you want to read any more of that. Me either. "Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told, 'I am with you kid Let's go!'"--Maya Angelou 3:24 p.m. - 2003-08-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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