winkgirl4's Diaryland
Diary
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Rant, Rant , Rant.
Just another RantI'm tired. I'm tired of my job. I'm tired of begging. I'm tired of listening to people beg me for work. I'm tired. Part of me wants to just say, "God damnit, get your lazy ass up and go look for a job your own damn self" but then I realize, I have more contacts and I've been begging companies for a week, now, trying to get this guy a job and I'm getting nowhere. I'm pissy because... well, hell, I don't know. It's my weekend to have Jordan and (after sending me two emails telling me, again, how I'm not trying hard enough to make this family work- after the divorce) Raymond calls to tell me that Jordan has Strep all of a sudden and that she needs to stay in bed this weekend. But, oh, I could come down there and stay at 'his' house if I wanted to see her. (Fuck you, asshole. I'm coming down and I want to see a god damned doctor's note.) The thing is, I was really wanting to go out and take some black and whites of the kids. Jordan is so photogenic. She loves the camera and, though her crappy school pictures aren't very good proof, the camera loves her. And next weekend, I will be out of town so I won't get her, then, either. I miss my daughter and it just seems like, unless I dodge my obligations to the company I work for, I'm never going to get to have weekends with her. I can see why people steal their own children. Oh, and now I have him emailing me and lecturing me on how I should make ammends with my foster parents because it was wrong of me to completely shut them out of my life. That I'm a cold bitch like that, just willing and able to walk away from anyone, no matter how much they loved me or I loved them. Again, I say, "Fuck you." (Can someone tell me how you block poeple from sending you Yahoo mail?) On top of that, my Nana is playing games again and that's pissing me off. Now, we all know how much I love my Nana, but come on. We can only take so much. See Nana sometimes plays dead to get attention. It's sad. It's pathetic. But, at seventy-two, I think it's pretty damned creative so I don't begrudge her that. Besides, we can see that she's breathing. We know she's not dead. It's harder to tell if there's something seriously wrong when she won't answer the phone. And because we've been burned by this game in the past we are hesitant to get up and drive half an hour to hear her say, "Oh, well, I just didn't hear the phone ringing" and then have to listen to the long list of things that have her upset. I'm staffing a political campaign and I can't find anyone willing to get paid to pretend that they are supporting this particular candidate. Man, what happened to capitalism? I'm dismayed. Just a rough day. On the other hand, I just got my sister, the Mother Hen, the best graduation gift (along with a copy of the book "Oh The Places You'll Go"- which I love) and I can't wait to see her walk across the stage, tonight. So, I guess that's my silver lining. I'll stop whining, now.
1:08 p.m. - 2003-05-02
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