winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The List (Part II) Okay, so here's Part II of THE LIST, for which I'm sure you've all been anxiously awaiting: 101. I�ve never had a gray hair. 102. I have chipmunk cheeks. 103. I dislike my cheeks. 104. My hair is curly but I always want to get a perm so that I can make it do what I want. 105. I was born with bright red hair. 106. I�m the most outgoing of all my siblings. 107. I wish I had a relationship with my little brother. 108. I don�t know how to bridge the emotional gap between us. 109. I had an imaginary playmate, named Sarah, when I was a little girl. 110. She hung herself. 111. I went through a whole year in my childhood during which the only thing I ever spoke to was a statue. 112. I was a reclusive, lost little girl. 113. I fell in love with books when I was a very young. 114. When I was eight, my grandmother gave me the book, Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott. 115. Immediately after reading it, I directed several of the neighborhood children in the play, which we performed, pathetically, at a local outdoor theater. 116. I bite my lip when I�m deep in thought or feeling 'randy'. (Randy as in naughty, not as in my elder sister's obsession.) 117. I hate wearing panties. 118. I�d love to learn the art of photography. 119. I have a decent ability to sketch but no real talent. 120. I love cooking. 121. Cooking is one of my better skills. 122. I miss cooking for people. 123. Love dinner parties. 124. I love sitting around with my friends and just talking and joking over a bottle of nice wine. 125. I love intelligent conversation. 126. I adore well-formed debate. 127. I love cheesy music. 128. I love listening to Elton John and Neil Diamond. (I might go to hell for saying that.) 129. Christian Recorded a set of CDs for me of him reading poetry. Sometimes when I�m lying in bed and listening to them, I just want to cry because he knows me so well. 130. I have a healthy sense of what I enjoy, sexually. 131. I love my bisexuality. 132. I love my boyfriend, more. 133. I love that he accepts my sexual preferences. 134. I love the way he thinks. 135. I am attracted to women who make me laugh. 136. I am attracted to men and women who make me think. 137. I wish I knew more about choosing fine wines. 138. I�m always impressed with Christian�s ability to find the right wine for the right meal. 139. I�m an incorrigible flirt. 140. I love flirting. 141. I probably flirt too much. 142. I�m better at flirting with men than I am with women. (The boundaries are different.) 143. I like watching Christian flirt with other women. 144. I find cyber sex between two strangers rather silly. 145. Maybe it�s just because I don�t get off on it. 146. I�ve had phone sex. 147. But not with a stranger. 148. I really need a manicure. 149. I have ugly nails. 150. My nightly routine includes: changing into my pajamas, cooking dinner, trying to convince Justin that he wants to try new foods, clean. Then I crawl into bed with a book or work. 151. Justin and I fill more of our free time being creative than we do watching tv. 152. I love roller coasters. 153. I love hiking 154. I love canoeing. 155. I can out-row anyone I know. 156. I�m not a big drinker. 157. When I drink, I prefer Vodka-based drinks. 158. Vodka is my father�s drink of choice. 159. Sometimes I convince myself that because I like Absolut and he likes Smirnoff that it�s not the same drink. 160. I love long hot baths. 161. I can read in the bathtub for hours. 162. I love reading. 163. I prefer books to movies. 164. Strawberries are my favorite fruit. 165. I have never made a strawberry pie. 166. I want to learn to make one. 167. I love wearing garter belts and stockings. 168. I want to find a new hairstyle that makes my hair look less WILD. 169. Guys who wear their hats sideways annoy me. 170. I love silver jewelry. 171. I have an odd sense of style. 172. I love hats. 173. I love capri pants but my legs are so short I think I look funny in them. 174. I don�t really like talking on the phone. 175. I dread talking to Raymond. 176. Talking to him feels like beating my head against the wall. 177. Example conversation (We have this conversation EVERY TIME we talk): Raymond: Well, Heather, you know what I want. Me: Yes I do. I�m sorry that I can�t give that to you. Raymond: Well you could but you just refuse to. Me: Yes, you�re right. I do. Raymond: God damnit, Heather, I fucking love you. Do you want me to hate you? Me: No but that�s your choice. Raymond: God damnit, Heather. You know what I want. (at which point I start pounding my head into the wall.) 178. I call so that Justin and I can say goodnight to Jordan, every night. 179. I miss my daughter. I don�t get enough time with her. 180. I am nervous about moving to California without her. 181. I will NOT stop fighting to get her. 182. My greatest hope for my children is for them to become free thinkers. 183. It�s hard trying not to influence my son to be liberal. 184. Everyone accuses me of trying to make my son gay. (I�m frustrated by the notion.) 185. I don�t think intelligent has to mean gay. 186. I�m afraid that the longer Raymond has Jordan, the harder it�s going to be for me to instill any values in her, such as grace and discipline of thought. 187. I have been accused of not letting my children be children. 188. I admit that I have great expectations but I really just want to help direct their childish discoveries. 189. I wish my parents had given me some direction. 190. I trust Christian as a role model and potential step parent for my children. 191. I think that adding the parenting aspect to our relationship is going to be our biggest obstacle. 192. I think we are strong enough to do it. 193. Currently, I�m intrigued by maybe five people, including the writer of this diary. 194. I have been frustrated by maybe ten people, total, in the last twelve months. I don�t think that�s a bad number for a year. 195. Everyday, I become more and more comfortable with my impending move. 196. It's a big step and I�m still nervous about it. 197. I am a creature of habit. 198. It�s going to be interesting incorporating my routines into Christian�s. 199. I really like his family but am leery about getting close to them. 200. I think that Christian�s mom and I could be good friends but I have issues with it. Well, that�s today�s list. And just think: that�s only two hundred. Submit all concerns about my need for therapy and possible suggestions to [email protected] . More tomorrow. 10:44 a.m. - 2003-04-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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