winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary

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April

APRIL

April, April, April. I�ve never been able to resolve how one month can be both my least and my most favorite month of the year. And, yet, April is.

April, oddly enough, is when I experience the height of my Seasonal Affective Disorder.

�SAD,� you say. �Isn�t that where the lack of sunshine or light allegedly magnifies bouts of depression in people? �Wait a minute. And you have it when?�

But it�s true. Right when we start having warm days and sunny skies, that�s when it hits me. From out of nowhere, I find myself balled up in the corner, crying over the fact that I�ve lost several pieces of the silverware I bought fourteen years ago and I can�t seem to find a place that sells this particular set, enabling me to replace the pieces I had lost. Of course, maybe it�s not SAD. Maybe it stems from a repressed memory I�m unwilling to deal with. Maybe, just maybe, April is when Phillip Holiday, my second grade crush, chose Marjorie Whatsername over me, leaving me (apparently) eternally scarred. I don�t know. I don�t have the answers. I just buy the Kleenex.

But, at the same time it�s APRIL! April- the rebirth of the year. Many people think that January is the rebirth of the year, but not me. January�s just not dramatic enough. Besides having to remember to write the new date on your checks, January feels just like December- only colder.

Now April� that�s something altogether different.

All those tiny seedlings, once burrowed in the frozen earth, feeding off of what�s left of last year�s muck and decay; rising from their beds, shouting to the winds and the rain and the open air, �I�M HERE! Throw at me what you will, but you can keep me down no longer. You�ve covered me in dirt and defecation. You�ve spat on me. You�ve walked on me. Hell, some of you have even pissed on me, but I�m here- standing- if not in spite of your repression but stronger and more beautiful because of it.�

Man, that�s what I�m talking about. Now, that�s a beginning. And I love it. All of it.

Well, all of it except the unnecessary, unexplainable, uncontrollable blubbering that comes with it. Ah, but whatchagonnado?

11:08 a.m. - 2003-04-04

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