winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More or Less.. I was asked, today, to list some things that I was proud of and it's funny what came to mind. I submit, for your approval, some of best and worst moments: I'm proud that I was able to work through the 'crazy' period and that I didn't let it take my life. I regret the people I hurt and/or lost during that time. I'm proud of being a mother. I feared having children, thinking I might not bond with them as I didn't bond with my own mother. The moment I learned of my children's existence, though, I loved them. I wanted them. I was bound and determined to help them be the best people they could grow up to be. I love my children from a place inside of me that they actually had to create. I regret my reasons for conceiving them. I am proud of my education. I am the first person in my family to have ever graduated from High School, let alone College. I came from a poor, white trash family where I was raised to believe that the most I could have ever become was some man's wife and maybe, just maybe, one day I could go to beauty school and become a beautician. I'm proud of everything that I had to get that degree and that includes working to pay for it and overcoming an emotional breakdown while attending. I earned every letter on that certificate. I regret the feelings of resentment I had for my family who lessened the value of that accomplishment by not showing up for my graduations. I am proud of the weight I've lost if only because I had always told myself that it would be easy, all I had to do was do it. And I did it. I hate that people use it to measure me. I'm proud of being able to leave my marriage. I'm not sure how many of you understand the magnetic power between people with addictive personalities and people with co-dependant personalities but let me tell you that it's a force to be reckoned with. I regret how long it took me to do it. I am proud that I've stopped (for the most part) loving-at-an-arm's-length. I'm even more proud of the healthy relationship I finally have, even if he lives so far away from me. And, I have every faith in our ability to develop it when we are finally together. Though I know we probably wouldn't have survived it, I regret that I lost a decade I could have had with him. 3:50 p.m. - 2003-03-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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