winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More or Less.. I was asked, today, to list some things that I was proud of and it's funny what came to mind. I submit, for your approval, some of best and worst moments: I'm proud that I was able to work through the 'crazy' period and that I didn't let it take my life. I regret the people I hurt and/or lost during that time. I'm proud of being a mother. I feared having children, thinking I might not bond with them as I didn't bond with my own mother. The moment I learned of my children's existence, though, I loved them. I wanted them. I was bound and determined to help them be the best people they could grow up to be. I love my children from a place inside of me that they actually had to create. I regret my reasons for conceiving them. I am proud of my education. I am the first person in my family to have ever graduated from High School, let alone College. I came from a poor, white trash family where I was raised to believe that the most I could have ever become was some man's wife and maybe, just maybe, one day I could go to beauty school and become a beautician. I'm proud of everything that I had to do to get that degree and that includes working to pay for it and overcoming an emotional breakdown while attending. I earned every letter on that certificate. I regret the feelings of resentment I had for my family who lessened the value of that accomplishment by not showing up for my graduations. I am proud of the weight I've lost if only because I had always told myself that it would be easy, all I had to do was do it. And I did it. I hate that people use it to measure me. I'm proud I was able to leave my marriage. I'm not sure how many of you understand the magnetic power between people with addictive personalities and people with co-dependant personalities but let me tell you that it's not a force to be reckoned with. I regret how long it took me to do it. I am proud that I've stopped (for the most part) loving-at-an-arm's-length. I'm even more proud of the healthy relationship I finally have, even if he lives so far away from me. And, I have every faith in our ability to develop it when we are finally together. Though I know we probably wouldn't have survived it, I regret that I lost a decade I could have had with him. 3:50 p.m. - 2003-03-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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