winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We'll have the last say. They asked me how I knew My true love was true I of course replied something here inside cannot be denied. They said someday you'll find All who love are blind When you're heart's on fire You must realize Smoke gets in your eyes They watch us, you know? (Our friends and our family.) They watch to see how we react and interact with each other. They check your arrogance and my tendency for self destruction and they wait for their chance to say, "Well, I tried to warn you." But, we go on. We interact in the only way we know- honestly and openly. Instead of 'I told you so's' we are met with gazes that more than say, "What is he thinking, loving her that way? Why on earth has he put his guard down? Why is he coddling her? Why isn't he putting her in her place? You know, you'd think that she'd be more respectful and, perhaps, grovel a little more. What is she thinking Doesn't she see that he's going to run all over her? She's not standing up to him. She won't respect him. He'll control her. She won't respect him. He'll control her. She won't respect..." I see it. I know what they expect. I probably didn't deserve a second chance to have Christian in my life and I know I had no right to ask for his emotional trust, but it didn't keep me from hoping. It didn't keep me from working towards something that could very well be the most important relationship of my life. It hasn't kept us from pursuing this. Still, I notice how they watch us, at each level. I noticed the shock and fear when they realized that we rediscovered each other. The frustration when we decided to go a step further and admit our feelings for one another, despite their admonitions. The releif when they realized that we were both trying to see other people. The (sometimes unsuccessful) biting of tongues when romantic distractions weren't enough to keep us apart. I've watched them watching us. I'll be watching their reaction as we take this next big step- as I go to him. As we learn to rely on one another. As we practice the commitment we made to be partners. I know they watch. Waiting. Hoping for the chance to say their 'I told you so's and I suppose that they will continue to watch until WE are the ones who will be able to say it. By the way, we are scared, too. We know what kind of risk we are taking. But, I have to tell you, I'm so ready for this. I wish there was some way I could express how much faith I have in this. I guess I just wish that you guys spent less time watching and waiting and more time enjoying this with us.10:24 a.m. - 2003-01-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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