winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's to Jumping off of Cliffs. It�s a brand new year, and for the first time in a long time, I can say it�s a brand new me, too. I won�t go so far as to say that the lights came on when the clocks ticked over, but I will say that there are some advantages to having long flights and layovers. I used my up and down time, wisely. Here�s a preview of what you can expect from the new and improved Heather: You can expect to hear �no� a lot more often. I won�t be shouting it. I won�t be defending it. I won�t be explaining it. I�ll just be saying it. I�ll be saying it every time something threatens to obstruct my goals. I�ve been exhausting myself, helping other people meet their needs and, as much as it gives me something to think about while I lie awake at night, something tells me that I will simply sleep better if I just worked harder to meet my own needs. It�s worth a try. You can expect to see me happy. No more moping about what I want and don�t have. No more being sad and feeling like I won�t ever get what I deserve. No more being worn down. I own my life. When my lights dim and eventually go out, I am the one who will have to measure how much life I spent and how much life I wasted. Me. Mine. My life. I have a life and I really can do anything with it that I want. It�s sad that it took me thirty-one years to learn that. You can expect me to start jumping off of more cliffs and, for once, it�s in the best way possible. I�m going to jump off of these emotional cliffs to keep me from wanting to jump off of the physical ones. No more fear of the unknown. No more hiding behind those fears. No more clinging to the security of a life I could convince myself isn�t all that bad despite the fact that it�s not even close to what I want it to be. What ever is at the bottom of that cliff has got to be better than standing here frozen. Besides, I have places to go and things to do and if I stand here and make excuses not to go and do them long enough, there won�t be a need to even try because all of my chances will have passed me by. You can expect to see me singing louder to that car stereo. You can expect to see me walking with a skip in my step. You can expect to see a smile on my face. On New Years Eve, I kissed a boy who looked in my eyes when he kissed me back and I woke up on New Years Day in the arms of that man- who doesn�t want me to be a victim and who doesn�t need me to help him be one. I woke up, after a week of roaming around a city and a state that I love. I slept on the sidewalks of Pasadena and waited for the stars to shine. I lived. I walked. I laughed. I smiled- even when others would say that I didn�t have any right to do it. I was happy. This year�s motto: �If it can be done, it can (and WILL) be done by me!!� 1:56 p.m. - 2003-01-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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