winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Second Thought Well, the skip in my step isn't quite as strong as I thought it would be, today, as I seem to have a bruise on my heel for some unknown reason. I am smiling because, well frankly, it just doesn't help to cry. I came back from my trip rejuvenated- ready to work towards what I want and deserve. I smiled yesterday after having to pay a family member $53.50 to come pick me up from the airport. $50 for the trip and $3.50 for toll booth costs. For that price, I got to come home from the airport rather than stay over at a hotel (which would have cost at least that much) and then catch a bus back to McAlester (which would have cost even more). In addition to that, I got to field phone calls from various family members complaining about having been asked (and offered four times what it would have cost to make the trip). I even got calls from relatives I didn't call for assistance. But, I smiled. I thought about those palm trees that I will be returning to and I smiled because, really, what else could I do? I smiled when I opened my mail yesterday morning to find that my rent went up by $100. I felt my heart drop and my spirits dwindle a bit when I got the call saying that because our Regional Vice President wasn't in a good mood, no one would be getting a raise, no matter their qualifications for one. But I smiled. I smiled and told myself that it was just another reason and a better incentive to look for work on the West Coast. I smiled. In fact, it almost made be feel closer to the coast just thinking about it. You know what? I even smiled (almost) the entire time while RayRay berated me on my new-found happiness and how I didn't deserve to have it because I had, apparently, taken his away. I smiled and thought about my children playing on the beach. I could just almost smell the sea air. I smiled during dinner last night while I listened to family members find fault with every aspect of the holiday that I enjoyed and with the details of my plan to return. I just smiled and told them how nice it was to see them, again, but how much they really made me want to move sooner. I smiled, only slightly, when I got the news that the judge has decided to grant "Status Quo" in my child custody case, which means I will have my son and RayRay will get my daughter. On the bright side, I am free to move any time I want. (Boy oh boy does that sound tempting.) I smiled while I thought about how I might be able to schedule in a second job to pay for the additional costs it's going to require to continue to fight for my daughter. But, by god, I'm going to fight because I'm going to get my daughter. I smiled as I noticed the "Mandatory 'Divorcing Well- For the Sake of the Children' Family Counseling" that I'm going to have to attend. I'm keeping my head up. I'm keeping my head up as I look for new jobs even after my Regional manager called to tell me she's set up a special meeting with the Vice President to renegotiate the terms of my contract and to fight to get me the raise I have more than earned. I'm keeping my head up because it's just too hard to raise it, again, once it's been lowered. I know that- far too well. So, kick me all you want, people. Kick me hard. You're going to have to kick me to death to stop me, because I mean what I say: "if it can be done, it CAN and WILL be done by me." Bring it on. 8:34 a.m. - 2003-01-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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