winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry seems to be the hardest word... It's always assumed that, because I'm self destructive or because I'm irresponsible or unreliable- a bit of a 'Good Time Grace'- that I am at the heart of what breaks between two people. My actions aren't as inconsiderate as they are careless. And, because I've always had a sense of those characteristics in myself, I've been quick to offer apologies for insensativities. Of late, however, it's only been sheer defiance that has kept me from offering as many as those apologies as I once had- needing to or not. Until a few hours ago, I didn't even stop to question whether a few of those same apologies might be due me. Well, I didn't. Why would I? I'm Good Time Grace. But something remarkable happened this morning that altered my perception a bit. Someone apologized to me. Out of the blue. We weren't engaged in any arguments that warranted said apology. He's not involved in any multi-step programs that urges him to make ammends. He didn't ask or seem to expect anything in return for the apology. He just called and said, "Hey, I just wanted to say that I used to say 'such and such' to you and it didn't occur to me, then, how much that might have hurt you and I just thought I'd tell you I was sorry for it." That was it. He stands to gain nothing from the apology- except, maybe, a better, more appreciative friend in the future. It was a simple apology. And it's amazing how much it heals a person. Because the truth is, those things that he used to say, with no obvious purposeful intention of hurting me, did actually hurt me. And, out of the blue, he realized it. Out of the blue he apologized. Out of the blue that little thing that stood between us was gone. I'm not sure I can explain the feeling. Moreso, it feels good, this knowing that I'm not the only one who carelessly breaks things. 8:11 a.m. - July 23, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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