winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And Heather said, let there be Fridays. If I were God, today (and who�s to say I am not,) this would be my agenda: First and foremost, I would completely trash today (it�s not like you are going to miss one, single stinking Thursday- I mean, really, you guys waste hundreds of these all the time) and I would fast-forward straight through to Friday. In fact, just for giggles, let�s make it 4:00 Friday afternoon. Ahhhh. That�s better. Let me close down all of my messenger windows and save this work and get ready to head on out of here. But before I do, let me fix a few things that are bound to really fuck up my weekend. Let�s ensure a couple of good hair days. (A little fluff here and a little spray there.) Good, every curl in the right place. Nothing is worse than wasting hours on a hair-do that falls flat in a matter of hours. Okay, now, let�s take away man�s ability to speak. Yeah, that�s better. No, it�s okay- really. It�s in their best interest that I keep them from saying stupid things that are bound to escalate into a situation that ends up pissing us both off, unnecessarily. Then, before you know it, the guy is having to use that whole �shrinkage� excuse, again and none of us really want that to happen, do we? While we�re on that subject, let�s just crank up that endurance scale a notch or two. Higher� higher� just�a �little� higher� THERE. That�s good. (We might be inclined to appreciate the five-minute back rub that you guys call foreplay but the �real� play needs to last just a little bit longer than that.) For those of you inclined to picnic or camp or just do anything out in the little bit of nature that you haven�t yet destroyed, I have scheduled a cloudless Saturday and Sunday with a high of 76�. Also, for your musical enjoyment, I�ve given both the frogs and the crickets some new sheet music. That should keep them going for a while. Oh, and let me pull down just a few more of these stars- a couple here� a few more over there. That looks good. Now, if you can�t kiss under a sky like that, you don�t deserve to kiss at all. And just to make sure that you get the most out of your weekend I have increased your daily hour allotment from twenty-four to forty-eight. That should give us all enough time to, both, sleep in and to do all the things that we put off until the weekend. Due to an overwhelming need for attention, I have cancelled all sports events. Believe me, fellas, there�s nothing more annoying than having the object of your affection gape over your shoulder during an intimate moment to catch the score of a game. (Keep in mind that the players count on me to help them with the win and I would sure hate to get mad at you and have to take it out on your favorite team. Yeah, I think it�s best if EVERYONE took the weekend off. Last but not least, to tie up a few loose ends before I make both Saturday and Sunday days of rest: I am smiting to hell the snitty, little convenient store attendant who was unnecessarily rude to each customer who came in to get their morning cup of coffee. In fact, just to add a special little touch, I am going to have her promoted to night shift supervisor which is a fate worse than hell. Have fun snitty girl. Also, I have made the little pink, coconut covered chocolate cakey snowballs fat-free and calorie-less. Enjoy. Well, that�s it. For those of you who covet my favor, good tidings will abound. For those of you who just feel the need to piss me off- I have a few lightning bolts with your names on them. Have a good day. 3:42 p.m. - February 24, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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