winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary

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breaking the silence

To break the silence, I'll share some more correspondance between Andy and I.

My dearest Merryweather,

I hope that you are well.
Where the hell are you anyway?
I want to play and you're not being fair!
Have you given up on your diary or what?
Are you ill?

I am extremely ill. As usual, I am so ill that doctors are amazed that I'm still alive. I am taking Solpadeine by the bucket load. But, I'm not just taking Solpadeine, I'm taking Solpadeine MAX - so there!

I'm warning you...If you're not careful, I'm going to throw a tantrum!

My children are feeling better although molly awoke this morning at about 4am. Luckily I was awake when she came to see the time so we didn't scare the life out of each other. I told her to climb into bed with us but she lay there chuntering, much to helen's extreme annoyance. At 6am i told her to go and read in her bedroom and at 6.30 I allowed her to go downstairs and watch TV. I then tried to sleep until 7 when I got up. (isn't all this just fascinating to you?)

Helen has been on the phone to a friend at an ENT hospital unit and she's going back to the doctor this afternoon, demanding a second opinion or referral to a specialist. All I know is that as her cold improves, her temper worsens and her increased deafness makes her very, very snappy indeed. She keeps telling the children that if they ever get married, they must not marry a man like me. Rosie replies that she knows the drill because helen keeps saying it but Molly stands up to her and says that she hopes that she WILL be lucky enough to marry a man like her daddy because her daddy is lovely and a good, kind and funny man. As I have said many times before, molly is very wise and a good judge of character!

Tomorrow, (If I am still alive) I hope to finish painting Rosie's room and
then go for a hearty walk around the grounds of Castle Howard. The children aren't at school next week, so I'll only have my own sandwiches to make. Who knows, I might even get into the Christmas spirit.

On Sunday, my father will have been dead for exactly 10 years.

what are you doing this Christmas? How many days holiday do you get?

I hope that you are your family are burdting with good health

Warmest regards

Biggest Ever Andrew

To which I responded:

Dearest Andy.
I am so sorry for the delayed responses. As the holiday approaches, I find myself more and more overwhelmed with projects here at work and the evenings are spent with this school program or that obligatory Christmas event. Yesterday was, in fact, Justin's School Christmas program where he sang at the top of his lungs and was as handsome as I've ever seen him in his new suit. He'd gone for several weeks without a haircut and was really beginning to look shaggy. I threatened to take him to a shop in McAlester if he didn't tell his father that he needed a cut and should take him to the gentleman who has cut his hair since the first time we decided to lob off those baby curls. Now that I say that, I sure miss his delicate baby curls. And as I say that I will admit that I miss his being a baby. I miss having a baby. I am going through serious baby fever. (Sigh.) I'll get past it. I have to get past it. I absolutely do not need a baby right now. I mean, come on- I can't manage a relationship with a guy- but to add a baby to the mix. My am I a glutton for punishment?

I am sorry to hear that you are still very ill. I am sorrier to hear that Helen is improving and is STILL making it hard on you. It's probably not my place to say but she seems to be a rather unhappy person, generally. I wish she could find something- other than your torment- to make her smile. It changes the world when you can find something to be happy about.

Yesterday, after the Christmas program, Justin asked me if I notice that a boy (not far from him) had on the same color shirt and tie as he. I told him that they did seem similar but that they were different shades of blue. He then proceeded to tell me that that boys name was Josh and that he was purposefully stepping on the toes of the girl behind him and that each he did, she'd smack him in the back of the head. He said that he didn't understand it. He said that they fought a lot- even in class. I tried to explain that that's usually a sign that a boy likes a girl- that they don't really know how to say "I really like you" so they have to think of some way to express it. He told me that when he likes a girl, he just writes them a note. So, for the rest of the evening, In the back of my mind, I found myself wondering how many notes had my eight-year-old son written to charming little girls. And, just as important, what do these notes say? I thought that prying past that was going too far so I guess I'll just have to wonder. I will say, though, that there is a girl who walks to school whose name is Ali and that, no matter the weather (freezing rain or shine) he asks me to stop the car so that he can get out and walk with her. She's a cute, elfish-looking girl who waves to me whenever I stop. Based on her, I'm not worried, too much, about the type of girl who catches his eye. Still, he's eight and there's plenty of time for him to develop an interest in the tattooed, pierced type but we'll dive, head-first, off that bridge when we get to it.

Must run. Will try to write again, later. I hope you feel better soon.
Ever yours,
Merryweather

12:10 p.m. - December 17, 2004

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