winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2004 List Part III (Finally) Okay, I owe you at least 100 more items before I can put this list to rest for one more year. So here they are (in no particular order): 201. I took my children to the carnival the other day and while they were on the swings, they both reached over to the other and held hands. It's funny to me how something so simply can bring me to tears. 202. I'm more of a cryer than I used to be. 203. Though I've been complimented on my ability to sing, I wish I were a better singer. 204. I sing at the top of my lungs when I'm in the car. 205. I don't speed anymore, when I drive. 206. I don't ever drive without wearing my seatbelt. 207. I could list at least six new power tools that I would prefer to have over sex. 208. I admit that when I feel a migraine coming on that I feel panicky and full of fear because of how controlling and debilitating they are. 209. I am a slow reader. 210. It bothers me more than it should when people point it out. 211. I make a really good grilled cheese sandwich. 212. I make even better waffles. 213. I colored my hair the other day. Now it's a bright auburn red. 214. I like it more than the color I was anticipating it was going to be. 215. I kiss with my eyes closed. 216. I can list, in detail, my top five kisses. 217. I dream in color. 218. I don't believe in astrology. 219. I haven't painted in a really long time. 220. I miss being able to express myself, creatively. 221. I began working on an outline for a story. 222. I think that if I really push myself to finish this that this could very well turn into the book I've wanted to write. 223. I need to prove to myself that I can finish what I start. 224. I run away from a lot of things. 225. I wish I understood what makes me hold myself back. 226. I used to want blue eyes. 227. I am not where I want to be. 228. I have stopped verbalizing my goals as it's been a while since I've been able to visualize them. 229. Despite it's truth, I do believe that those are the first two steps to succeeding in anything. 230. I used to be a better loser. 231. I miss playing scrabble. 232. I sometimes want to be kissed so hard that it almost hurts. 233. I am thirty-three years old. 234. I am no one's daughter. 235. I wish I had the comfort of believing that my Nana is in a better place. 236. I don't believe that I could ever be suicidal again. 237. At the same time, I'm not afraid to die. 238. I like holding hands. 239. I love the feel of being cradled in a man's arms. 240. On the other hand, I prefer to have a woman cradled in my arms than vice versa. 241. My favorite part of a man's body: the shallow of thier back. 242. My favorite part of a woman's body: either their breasts or their shoulders. 243. I have a weakness for girls named Kate. 244. I know almost instantly if I will like or dislike a man by the shape of his hands. 245. It's an irrational bias that I don't know how to overcome. 246. I have to be in the right mood to drink beer. 247. If I drink beer, I tend toward Bud Light. 248. I like a handful of fruity mixed drinks. 249. Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. 250. My most memorable holiday was New Years 2003. 251. I love Christmas and Thanksgiving for the cooking. 252. My favorite Christmas dish: the bread pudding that my sister makes for breakfast. 253. They drive me crazy but, nothing compares to the love I have for my sisters. 254. I want to be someone's partner. 255. I want someone to be my partner back. 256. I need to do more exercises. 257. I can be a very petty person, sometimes. 258. I have tiny nipples. I think. 259. They're actually a decent size when they are hard. 260. I hate wearing panties. 261. I've worn panties more this year than the past five years put together. 262. I whine too much. 263. I have to force myself to let someone kiss my neck. 265. I love pulling a girl's hair back and kissing my way from her neck down to her collar bone. 266. I want to go back to school but can't decide what direction I should go. 267. I need to do more sit ups. 268. I need to ride the bike more. 269. I've not spent enough time at the gym this month. 270. I need to start tanning again before I go on this cruise. 271. I tanned everyday for three weeks and we couldn't tell the difference. 272. I think that I'm a pretty attentive lover. 273. I can count all my lovers on two hands. 274. I regret only two. 275. Christian used to call me "Casper, the Very Friendly Ghost" because I would hide under the covers while I felated him. 276. That being said, he was my most attentive lover. 277. I like mowing the lawn. I find it relaxing. (Except in the back where there are huge sink holes that the mower falls into.) 278. Blue is my favorite color. 279. For some reason, lately, I've been drawn to the color burgundy. 280. I listened to the song, "Always Something there to Remind Me," by Naked Eyes, the other day and it made me burst into tears. (Who cries to a song like that?!) 281. I hate it when personal truths create awkward silences between myself and those I trust. There's nothing more uncomfortable to me than a labored silence that could be quelled with the words, "I understand you." 282. I am facinated by oceanography. 283. I am currently reading "Plainsong" by Kent Haruf. I love his feel for placing the characters in the scenes. 284. I love camping. 285. I don't get to camp as much as I'd like to. 286. I'm just as comfortable sleeping under the stars in a sleeping bag as I am sleeping in a tent. 287. I don't kill bugs. It's incredibly stupid but I feel guilty killing them. 288. I have caught wasps, spiders and centapedes and taken them out and set them free. 289. I would like to make plans to go canoeing down the Illinios River sometime soon. (Anyone want to go?) 290. I'm very competative. 291. I've worried about my recent forgetfullness. 292. I have never had a gray hair. 293. This is the first year that I've felt the signs of aging. 294. If 2002 was the year of shear and utter happiness and 2003 was the year of overwhelming frustration then 2004 would be the year of Anger and Resentment. 295. I'm trying to change the course of the year. 296. I don't want to die with regrets like my Nana did. 297. Sometimes I think that it's too much to wish for that picket fence. 298. I want it anyway. 299. I think that it will finally be my turn when I decide to push my way to the front of the line. 300. I'm getting tired of waiting my turn. whew. This was a tough list. I mean it. I've never had so much trouble making my list before. But I will say this: when I've gone back and compared this list to the ones before them, I will say that, except for few minor tidbits here and there, most of this list required some amount of thought. Whereas, in past lists, I went for some of the easy answers. There are clearly issues that I've not been able to let go and there are some emotions for which I've not found resolution. In all, I think that this is, in fact, a year in progress. It's not where it should be and it's, clearly, not where I want it to be. And though I can't promise I know where it will end up, I do know that things are moving forward- if only at my pace. Though it's probably a little pathetic to do so, I'm dedicating this list to my Nana who made me laugh, who made me grimace and who made me cry. But who, above all else, gave me the opportunity to see that if I'm only willing to sit by and idly watch , that my life will, in fact, pass me by. 6:03 p.m. - July 19, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||