winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blue is a soothing color. Think of the color blue... "Monday, Monday. So good to me. Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be." Do you ever get kind of suspect of days when no effort too strong could get your chi out of alignment? I am. I wonder if it's chemical. Despite the best efforts of so many people around me, I'm good. I'm... dare I say it... happy. Am I content? No. Not by any means. There's still so much more that would fulfill me that I couldn't begin to list it. Has the loneliness gone away? No. Clearly, no. But I think that I've stopped hating people because I felt that way. (Shhhh. Don't tell anyone but I sometimes, just sometimes take my sour mood out on others. Hey, what can I say? At least I'm admitting to it and am making some effort to control it.) I am but a work in progress. You know what I think? I think this all stems from feeling that I have options. I feel...hmmm... I don't know. Free. I can take a new job if I want to. I could move if I wanted to. I could love if I wanted to. Well, that last ones a little iffy but there's always hope, right? Okay, let me take a step back and rephrase that, "Love is out there- I hope." I've not really settled on any choices but it just feels good to have them, you know what I mean? You know, I've been vague about some things for a while now and it's had a lot to do with my need to play it safe. I don't really care about that anymore. I'm tired of hiding under an umbrella because, frankly, it really does shine more than it rains- and since when did a little rain kill anyone? Right? Am I right? Say I'm right. I know I'm right. Alright, then. (I doubt that Christian even reads my journal anymore but every time I write the word, "alright" I know that he just reels. See, I know, according any grammar handbook that it is, in fact, two words: ALL RIGHT. But, you know, since it is a perfectly playable word in Scrabble how could it possibly be wrong? I don't know. I think that sometimes I just do it for his sake. ) Well, I have so much to do. I have a yard to clean. Furniture to put back and laundry to wash and put up. I guess this is where I stop fucking around and getting back to my obligations. I'm sure I'll pipe in, again, later. Till then, don't eat the green ones. 5:29 p.m. - June 07, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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