winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, @#!& you if you think I'm hateful. "If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something." Steven WrightI currently share an office with my superior, Brad, who is seven years my junior and who has 1/5 of my initiative to work, and (temporarily) with a young man who is doing data entry and filing for us while he is recovering from an injury. There's a running joke in the office these days about my distaste of men and/or relationships and most of the time I laugh at what's being said. Most of the time. Comments from John (the lame one) about expecting his wife to perform her "wifely" duties are met with cautions from Brad to "not let Heather hear you talk like that. She'll eat you alive." See, you can spot the potential for that to be funny, right? Well, unfortunately, not all of the comments are quite so palatable. One such comment was made this morning when Brad told someone, "Oh Heather, she hates men. I'd be careful what you say around her." My wry response was, of course, "Oh, Brad. You limit me. Don't you know, by now, that I hate everyone?" (Enter uncomfortable laughs all around while the people in my office try to determine how serious I am.) Still, all the while I couldn't help but think: Have I really become a person that exudes hate? Do people really perceive me to be hateful? So, I asked my sister, the mother hen, on my lunch break. "Do you think I seem hateful all the time?" Before the words, "...all the time" made their way from my mouth, her answer was there to cover them. "Yes. ...Oh, were you wanting to know anything else?" (Perhaps I should have asked my sister, The Catholic. She'd have taken a few extra seconds to at least ponder the question.) People think I'm a hateful person. Funny, that. I never considered myself hateful. In fact, I've always thought just the opposite. Sure, lately, I've been bitter and envious and resentful and a bit intolerant of...well, just about everyone but I don't see why that should be translated into hate. Don't they realize that I'm still the sweet, caring person that I've always been? Is it really that hard to see that part of me under this hard protective shell? I don't really know what it will take to go back to the part of me that was optimistic about everything. I don't know how to do that these days. But, still, I hate the part of me that comes across as being completely hateful. On that note, I'll add a few things that Andr..., er Spike hates. It's good to have company in times like this, don't you think? "I also hate it when I am walking down the street and meet the eyes of an oncoming woman. I coyly look away and then re-engage. If she is still looking I try to give her a warm smile. I have a nice 'open' smile - friendly but not too cheesy and for an Englishman, my teeth aren't too bad. BUT, in these situations, my face, for some reason,(probably fear) becomes seized with a form of paralysis that lasts only until we have passed each other. My face becomes hideously distorted and at best I manage a twisted sneer or a lip curling snarl! I also hate the fact that I get easily intimidated in shops. I've just returned from an art shop where I was looking at brushes. I become nervous as soon as I am asked if I need any help. Being simple minded, I like to look and touch before I buy. I don't know enough about brushes to just say I want X,Y and Z so pathetically I fled empty handed. I probably did look suspicious though, as, holding two brushes, I beat out an impressive rhythm on the counter. We have your President coming to stay tomorrow, all very exciting! The London man for the New York Post said on the radio this morning that if the British protest against him, the folks back home will do one of two things. 1) Either think that the Brits are as bad as the rest of the low down europeans or, 2) they will think, well, if even the British are protesting, perhaps they've got something! I don't know, you tell me!" Spike, I can assure you, we consider our President and absolute idiot. Having other nations see past his "Yippee-kye-yay-cowboy" act through to the dolt he actually is, is unavoidable. There are few things in our history as regretful or embarassing as this particular presidency and, if you know anything of our history, you know that we have quite a bit to be ashamed of. Now, don't mistake my disregard for our current President as a lack of patriotism. I love our country. I really am about as ethnocentric as they come but, come on, we have our faults and right now, Dubya is about as bad as it gets. And as I leave you, for the day, I offer this link to honor our Commander and Cheif. Ya'll come back, now. Ya hear! 8:02 p.m. - 2003-11-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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