winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Long Week's End. I miss my children. Can you tell? They are at their father's until the end of the week for Spring Break, but I miss them. I think I really need to sleep. I'm not focusing on things and, for a week now, things have been kinda hazy. It's unlike me to worry about something I can't change but this war is really getting to me and I'm not sure I know how to feel about that. I think it's the feeling of being controlled. That our country is doing something that I don't want to support and because I'm a part of the collective, it's like I don't have any choice but to sit back and shut up. I can scream at the top of my lungs and hold my banner high but who will hear me? I don't like being forced into apathy. I got so angry at Raymond that I told him to just go somewhere and die. I told him to join the army and take a bullet for his country so that he could, at least, die a hero and not force his children to grow up to find out what a selfish loser he is. Heh. Yeah, I can be cruel. In truth, I was just projecting. I'm really just angry at myself for making it so easy for people to take advantage of me. All he did was take advantage of a golden opportunity. Sad thing is, he tries in his little ways to make it up to me. Only his efforts are like my children making apologetic crayon-traced cards after breaking my most cherished piece of crystal. It's a token. It's all he can do. It doesn't change anything. He can't fix what's been broken. It's my fault for leaving it in reach. I think I just need to sleep. 5:23 p.m. - 2003-03-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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