winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get Your Freak On Okay, gather around boys and girls because we are going to talk about something shocking. This may frighten you a little bit. It may make you a little curious or even confused. It may just make you want to delete me from your favorites lists, who knows? But, we are going to talk about it anyway. So, anyway, the topic, today is: (whisper it with me) sex. (Shock. Gasp. Fear.) That�s right. We are going to talk about sex. The horizontal mambo. Knocking the boots. Charming the snake. Burying the hatchet. Playing hide and seek. You know- SEX. We are talking about it because I�m trying to come to terms with my own sexuality. That�s an odd statement coming from a thirty-one-year-old who has been openly bisexual for years, I know, but it�s true. I�ve been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what I really like. I�ve been reading a lot of erotica (most of which is poorly written) and reading accounts on things like BDSM and new and interesting masturbation techniques, most of which I�ve been employing (repeatedly) before I go to sleep. Well, and during the night when I get up to get a glass of water. Oh, yeah, and when I wake up in the morning before I get in the bathtub. Well, and just a couple of times while I was in the bath. But, I digress. I�ve got no problems with my bisexuality. It�s the �boundaries� of my sexuality that I�m trying to determine. Look, I like men. I like women. I�m just a likeable person. But, it�s more than that, really. I like the freedom. I like boundary-lessness of it. I have never liked it when people told me I should stick to my kind or to do what was expected of me because that�s what I�m supposed to do. It�s not my knack. It�s not my thing. I have a tendency to rebel against those types of standards. (And, don�t get me wrong. I didn�t develop an interest in women because I just wanted to be different. I like women for what they are. They are soft and sensual. They are more willing to explore those hidden parts of your body that, otherwise, get overlooked. They kiss differently than men. They smell different than men. They taste different than men. They are just different from men in so many good ways it�s hard to list them all. Plus, they have breasts. How can you not like that? At the same time that I really like being with a woman, I can�t deny my urges to feel a man inside of me. - Making love to him, feeling his strong hands on my giving flesh, feeling his power hovering over me, entering me, tasting him in my mouth� Oh, my. I�m going to need a few seconds. Be right back.) Okay.(Whew) That�s better. Had to take care of some business. So anyway, lately, I�ve been exploring my boundaries. I�ve been exploring them for a variety of reasons including, but not limited to the fact that I have a lot of time on my hands - amongst other things. It also has a lot to do with an interesting incident that took place when I was in California for Christmas. See, while I was there seeing Christian we had a variety of things planned to do. Go here, see this, meet these people, eat this food. You know- typical stuff. I�ll add as a side note that Christian has a way of making sure that his guests have fun-filled visits. But, that�s just it: it�s usually so filled with fun that when we finally pour ourselves into bed at night, there�s not a lot of energy left over for the whole sexual marathon thing. Make no mistake, we have great sex. Great. Sex with Christian is a phenomenal. He�s a phenomenal lover and I don�t just say that because I love him so much. He�s creative, attentive, romantic and is sensitive to my needs. He has more stamina than any man with whom I�ve ever been (Come on girls, you gotta love that.) Plus, he not only supports my sexuality, but also embraces it. (Not too surprising, there.) So anyway, because of our hectic schedule, short of a couple nights in the hotel, our sexual encounters we were in the earshot (and at one point- view) of other people. So, we found ourselves having to sneak away. Our last night together was no exception, only our last night together was in Pasadena the night before the Rose Parade. It�s a little hard to get your groove on out on the sidewalk. Believe me, I tried. So we settled for the car. Things were going as well as they could for two grown people trying to have a wild romp in the back of a compact car. During said attempt, the people who owned the car next to us started watching us. I mean as well as you can see through fogged up windows. Being watched was new for me. I�d fantasized about it. I was turned on by it. Yet, when the opportunity presented itself, I froze. For a second. I thought about the opportunity, I thought about it being the last time that I was going to get to make love to Christian in quite some time so I pressed on. Literally. Christian, not so much. Christian became concerned about us getting arrested. I just looked at it as better entertainment then what these people could find on the crowded streets of Pasadena. Here�s why I question my boundaries. That was a situation that I thought that I would like in reality. But in reality, it�s not what I thought it would be like. And I know, fantasies seldom are. But I thought that I would be more turned on by the situation when really I just didn�t really care so much about the people watching. I was more turned on by being able to make love to Christian. I was hot for him. Not the situation. So, anyway, I�ve been reassessing my boundaries and trying to figure out what my real boundaries are and what are just boundaries good in Fantasyland. I will let you know, later what the differences are. By the way, in the real world, I already know that those boundaries include loving the boys and girls. Actually, there's more to be said here and the shocking parts are going to have to come in a second entry but this is a good if not babbling start. 5:58 p.m. - 2003-01-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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