winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I really need a cookie. Can I tell you I'm angry? Would you believe me? Would you care? Should you care? I'm in a quiet kind of anger that has no intention of making lists of ways RayRay should be decapitated and served on platters surrounded by Christmas garnishes. I'm in a "You don't really want to know what I'm thinking" kind of anger. It's an anger that has to be quiet or it will say things it will regret. Things that shouldn't be said. Things it's best to swallow. I'm in a "You'll never see on my face that I'm having a horrible day" and a "There's a knot in the top of my stomach that I can't explain and I think it's from swallowing all this anger" kind of mood. It will go away. It always does. But, right now, I want something more. I want what I deserve. And damnit, I deserve more than what I'm getting. I'm not finger pointing. Not at all. I'm just tired. Physically sick and tired. I give all of you a lot. I'm just tired of hearing how much more you all want. I deserve a hell of a lot more from some of you than you have EVER given me and I haven't expected perfection from any of you. I don't expect or ask for super human performances. I accept you. Accept me. You are all kidding yourselves if you think I'm happy, if you think that THIS is all I want, if you think this is all I will ever have. I'M doing something about it. I'm working my fingers to the bone. I'm working my ass off. I'm working my stomach in knots. I'm WORKING!!! Complain all you want and take what you can get from me because, believe me, you are getting what I can give. That being said, I really love you. I love that I have each of you in my life. I want you in my life. But, that's just it: I want you in MY LIFE. 10:20 a.m. - 2002-12-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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