winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Slippery When Wet. Is this what it�s really come to? Is this really how we sell ourselves, these days? I know, I shouldn�t delight in these misguided attempts. I shouldn�t scoff at the silly games that we all play to get one another�s attention because, after all, it does take a certain amount of bravery to put oneself out there to risk being ridiculed. It�s no easy fete. I admit that. And, believe me, just because I�m a girl doesn�t mean that it�s any easier for us (despite what you men believe.) But, come on, you have to admit that some of our efforts really just work against us, don�t they? I�m standing at the bar watching a poker buddy of mine nail �Sweet Caroline� on karaoke night. It�s not incredibly busy. There�s just enough people to get a good scan of the crowd and not really miss a face. He walks up. I know him. We�ve flirted here before. See, this is one of the many guys who, in our youth, was once madly in love with my little sister. Let�s face it, she turned a few heads. She was a cheerleader and homecoming queen. Of course she did. Years later, while these guys reminisce about their unrequited passion, they settle for the attention for the slightly (nine months and eight days) older sister. And that�s fine. He�s cute. And, when he�s not trying so hard, he�s actually quite funny. Then it happens. He puts on his best grin and he takes out his best line. And this is what he had: �Yeah, I�m doing pretty good these days. Work is good. I�m getting shorter but its okay because I�m getting longer in other places.� There�s a silence. We are both waiting for my reaction and, the truth is, I don�t have a clue what it should be. I giggle because I�m going with the assumption that that�s what he was hoping I would do because, I just can�t believe that he�s expecting me to say, �Oh my! Finally, a short guy with a long schlong.� The giggle is followed by a very polite, �Well, I hope that�s working out for you. I hear that long forearms can be cumbersome.� He buys me a drink, we exchange numbers and we spend the rest of the time talking about my friend�s ability to carry off Pearl Jam�s �Jeremy� with such ease. Good times. Last night, while bantering with a room full of guys at poker tables, trying to make my way to this final table or that, I find myself seated next to another young guy (who tells me that he�s really not so much younger than me- Whew! To my relief!). He�s funny. He�s cute. He�s young (oh yeah, I mentioned that.) But we get along well�mostly. We have our ups and downs. See, he and I are neck and neck for third place as we approach the last two weeks of a six-month poker series- no small fete as this involves some 50 people who have been playing regularly in this six month span. I maintained a pretty comfortable third place stance for most of the tournament, only to lose some ground in the last month or so due to poor playing and bad cards- which, in turn, opened up an opportunity for him to make a move. And making moves he has. Last night, he offers a bargain: he will back out of the tournament (and the threat that he might move into my coveted third seat) for the meager cost of a blow job. How could I resist? Lord knows, I�ve only gotten this far because I�ve been offered similar deals down the line. What the hell!!?? So, while I was heads up to win the second to the last game in this series and he was sitting on the sidelines (watching) I suggested that he might consider making a deal with the guy who was working his way up the points ladder to take his spot. Before I left for the night, he takes me aside to ask, very sweetly, �So, when are you going to make me dinner?� I just have to laugh (and I can because this is a close enough friend) and say, �Give me a call and I�ll cook you dinner sometime.� Will he be getting that coveted blow job? Yeah right!! That's about as likely as he�ll be getting the third place seat. And for your enjoyment, I googled some more pick up lines for you to use: �Do you wash your clothes with Windex, cause I can see myself in your pants.� �Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?� If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. �If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.� �I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.� �Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.� �I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.� �Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead .......... yield?� �Hi my name is _______, remember it, cause you'll be screaming it all night long!!!� �Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.� Now, go, be free with your people. First one on the floor, WINS!!!! 3:16 p.m. - October 04, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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