winkgirl4's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do you really miss me when I'm gone? Some passing idle thoughts: I've been having intense dreams, lately. Intense, vivid dreams. Dreams that aren't incredibly disturbing but that shake me and leave me feeling exhausted. I absolutely refuse to alter my sleep patterns, again, as I finally have what I consider a normal sleep cycle. But I don't like the dreams. I don't like working out the concerns of my psyche during my down time. So, Colin, Betty and Joseph, go spend your time somewhere else. I need my sleep. I've been taking inventory of my life and my house, to prepare for this move. What to keep, what to toss, what to put in storage. It's hard to look at my life and ask: what's the bare minimum that I can get away with and still be happy? The state of the world is frustrating me. I know. I know. Join the crowd. But as this is my journal, this is where I get to vent about that. My son is afraid of war. My son has questions. My son is afraid that people he knows are going to die. My son is seven and I hate that I have to answer these kind of questions and soothe these kinds of fears. And all this fear that is so new to us is just another day in the life of fear other people in other countries have endured for decades and decades. Who am I to ask for sympathy? I guess I'm just another mother who'd rather see her child happy and living without fear. You don't want to hear it, I'm sure, but you are reading my journal so you can skip it or endure it, but I'm tired of wanting the feeling of his body next to me. I lie there with this perfect image of him, there. I want to be able to kiss him, 'goodnight'. I want to be able to curl into him when the dreams get too vivid. I want everything but this sleeping with out him. Yeah, I lknow. Whah. Whah. Whah. There are just so many things. So many little things. So many things that run over in my mind and seem so insignificant to others that it might seem silly that it's filling my nights with disturbed sleep. So many thoughts. So many little idle thoughts that they seem too idle to admit to, let alone write down. Besides, I wonder if there's anyone who's even noticed I haven't posted? 4:03 p.m. - 2003-02-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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